This July, I allowed my intuition to guide me and ended my nine-year marriage. At 54, I am single. Again.
Leaving had nothing to do with running away from my husband (he is a great human being and I love him). Rather, it had everything to do with running towards myself.
Sometimes your intuition is loud. Other times, it is but a whisper.
Or a series of whispers — vying for your attention.
For a long time, I believed I had everything I could ever need: health, happiness, love, a safe home in a beautiful neighbourhood. All things to be grateful for. I had more than enough, yet still, something was missing.
I was living my day-to-day life with relative happiness and ease, but there was this nagging feeling in the background telling me that all wasn’t quite in alignment. Let’s call that feeling Norbert.
Norbert the Nag.
I met Norbert about five years ago.
In the beginning, we didn’t see much of each other. He’d show up only occasionally. “Pssst, you need to see this,” he’d whisper. I couldn’t help but look.
The more Norbert showed up, the more I looked, the wider my eyes opened, and the more I discovered. I found comfort in yoga, books, and community. I found solace walking alone in nature. I found my version of spirituality. I found so much that felt aligned with my inner core.
I found myself.
I found the me I hadn’t known was lurking beneath the busyness of my life because, like many women, I’d been searching for myself and my purpose within the nest that was my family and my home.
Tugging on the hem of my sweater like a small child, Norbert kept at it. “There’s more out there,” he’d say. “Pay attention.”
I’d try flicking him off like the tiny caterpillars that fall onto me from the lilac tree in my front yard every summer. Norbert was clearly a bad influence. I knew that if I allowed myself to get too close to him, he would disrupt my life. Sure enough, he eventually did.
Do you have a friend like Norbert?
Your Norbert could be a gentle tugging on your heart or a whisper in your ear. He might even be a jackhammer. (It’s amazing what we can tune out when we’re determined not to change.) What do you do when he shows up? Do you do what I did?
At first, I ignored him.
I decided he was ridiculous. And greedy. Greedy nagging Norbert didn’t understand me or my chosen priorities. He had me mistaken with somebody else. Someone living a hard life and looking for an escape, not someone as fortunate as me.
But Norbert wouldn’t quit. Over time, he began to fill me with doubt. I started calling friends. Leaving them little room for input, I’d explain how acting on Norbert’s whispers posed a threat to my current life. I’d tell them that yes, Norbert had some fair points but he didn’t understand all I had to lose if I followed through.
I’d mull over how I might reconcile his whispers with my current environment. I could make this work. I would make this work. And so I tried.
I tried and tried and tried to make it work. To live in better alignment with myself without changing my environment, but Norbert wasn’t satisfied. Ignoring him hadn’t worked. Rationalizing hadn’t work. I had only one place left to turn, and that was inwards.
Intuition knows best.
There was a time in my life when I truly believed I lacked intuition. I now know this to be untrue. I have plenty of intuition, as do you — because baby, we’re born with it.
— 111 quotes about intuition by Maria Erving —
When you notice your mind is being drawn to a place you don’t consciously choose or want to take it, that’s your intuition.
When you catch yourself in a moment and in that moment your heart, your chest, and/or your stomach relax, that’s your intuition.
When you’re called to do something in exchange for nothing else — not love, not security, not financial gain — that’s your intuition.
When you’re in a situation that feels not quite right, even if you don’t clearly understand why, that’s your intuition.
When you have a friend like Norbert who simply WILL NOT GO AWAY, that, my friend, is your intuition.
Are you listening to your intuition?
I have spent many years living with waves of uneasiness. While they still make their way ashore from time to time, I have a greater sense of calm than ever before. I attribute this to one thing: I am no longer fighting my intuition.
Sure, surrendering to it comes with a cost. Everything has a cost. But I am willing to pay top dollar for the life my heart and soul know I am destined to lead. Are you?
If so, how have you adapted your life to experience greater alignment? If not, drop me a note. Tell me what’s holding you back. We could even jump on a call and have a real-time, human conversation if you like. I think that would be kinda cool.
Viv for Today xo
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