Greetings from St. John’s, Newfoundland. Hubby and I have escaped for a week of much-needed couple time.
Do you ever find you can go days (or even weeks) without connecting with your partner? I do. We just get so tied up with our own day-to-day business, we sometimes forget that we actually are one another’s day-to-day business!
We shouldn’t, I know, but we do. Creatures of habit, I suppose. My fella has a demanding job. It’s very social. He entertains clients for hours on end. Me? I work at home. I have Biscuit the dog for company. She’s comforting to have around, but not terribly stimulating.
Needless to say, when he gets home from work I’m usually gagging for attention. He, on the other hand, has been talking up a storm all day and he’s ready for some downtime. What I take comfort in, though, is the fact that whenever we do make time for couple time, we always find our way back to one another.
A little distance isn’t a bad thing, provided you know how to bridge the gap.
For us, bridging the gap doesn’t require anything extraordinary. Just a little space is all — space afforded us by not having clients to serve, children to feed, household chores to take care of, or tired souls to tend to in our own personal ways. That in and of itself does take effort, I know, but hey, you’ve gotta put some work into this thing called marriage.
– Related reading: Mountains, bunny hills and marriage advice written by yours truly –
Often, couple time takes us on a neighbourhood stroll or off to nearby Kensington Market. A little shopping. A spot of lunch. A bit of Netflix when we get home. Nothing too elaborate. Just enough to rekindle the spark. Easy enough, right?
Yesterday’s couple time took us further afield. It began with us sipping coffee together in the kitchen of our St. John’s Air B&B and mapping out our east coast adventure. It’s funny. Home renovations aside, we don’t often share projects. We tend to gravitate toward different things, which isn’t all bad. I’m in love with him, for example, whereas he is in love with me. Two completely different attractions, yet it works! But I digress.
Back to yesterday. I sat at my laptop scouting out some must-see destinations and feeding them to him so that he could Google map them and figure out which of our Air B&Bs would make the smartest jumping off points. It was a short and simple exercise, but it was lovely. The mood was calm. Our attention was undivided. Our collaboration was seamless. The sense of togetherness I felt in that moment filled my cup right up.
Not surprisingly, that morning’s loving energy carried us through the next 12 hours. We began in synch and remained that way throughout the day — from our leisurely afternoon stroll around St. John’s to the screeching ceremony that made us honourary Newfoundlanders come night.
While I consider it a blessing that we have the time and means to enjoy this little escape, I am also aware that we (us, you, anybody and everybody) shouldn’t have to get away from day-to-day life in order to connect. The very notion that we might have to escape suggests to me that we’re not putting in the work where it counts: at home.
Home is where the heart is.
When we tackle something together, be it a home reno or a BBC series on Netflix, we fall into synch, and I like it when we’re in synch.
As I sit here writing this, I’m thinking of ways we can generate more synch when we’re back home; things that can easily be woven into our busy lives. Things like:
- Planning an afternoon bike ride together. He can figure out the trails because he’s good at maps, and I can pick the lunch spot because I have better taste in food.
- Hosting a backyard barbecue. We always come together when we’re planning and entertaining. Plus, he always does the washing up after a party without me even asking. (I absolutely LOVE this about him.)
- Or (and I know this doesn’t sound like a barrel of laughs but hear me out) cleaning out the storage room together. We both love to purge, which means we get to share the satisfaction of both the task and the results. That’s what couple time’s about; sharing.
If these projects don’t float your boat, you might just as easily get back in synch by giving your whole-hearted attention to each other as you:
- Clean up the garden and then kick back with a beer to admire your handy work.
- Read the weekend paper over a leisurely breakfast and exchange stories.
- Cook a family meal and do the clean-up together, as opposed to the common divide and conquer.
And let’s not forget … kissing.
Have you heard about the 6-second kiss?
Research has proven that extending a kiss for six seconds actually preps our minds for connection. Six seconds, people. Who doesn’t have six seconds?
And now, if you’ll excuse me, there’s someone I need to kiss. Perhaps you have someone you need to kiss, too.
Viv for today xo
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