Last weekend, I won a silver pendant at an online event I attended. In January, I won a club membership. Last year I won a hypnosis treatment and an interior design consultation. Sure, luck has something to do with it, but you know why I think I keep on winning? Because I keep showing up! Be bold or go home — that’s my mantra.
When I say I’ve gone from fear to here, I mean I’ve gone from sitting on the sidelines and picturing my ideal life to actually creating it.
Here is a place in time in which I am living in alignment with my heart. My life is in balance. I have a clear sense of purpose. I love the company I keep. I know what serves me and what doesn’t; I gravitate towards the former and do my best to reject the latter.
Sure, I have moments (and sometimes days) of unrest but in the grand scheme of things, I feel at peace. I spend less time in blame and more time in self-awareness. I trust that everything is figureoutable.
I really like it here. What about you?
How is your here?
Are you living the life you want to be living or are you spending most of your time on the sidelines, thinking about the things you believe you should do and wish you could do but don’t believe you’re capable of doing?
If the latter, perhaps you’ve even compiled a list of the reasons you can’t do what it is you’re not doing. Lack of funds, knowledge, space, emotional support, confidence — the list of possible obstacles are endless.
Whatever those obstacles happen to be, if you’re spending your time lamenting them rather than trying to solve them, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but, friend, ain’t nothin’ gonna change –unless you change your mindset.
Based on my own personal breakthroughs as well as the aha moments I’ve seen my life coaching clients experience, I am willing to bet that 90% of the obstacles standing in your way originate from one thing: fear.
Fear of asking for help, fear of looking stupid, fear of being judged, fear of letting go, fear of rejection, fear of failure … fear of surprising others and yourself with your greatness.
Pushing past fear is scary, I know, but here’s the good news: it’s just an emotion. It is not going to kill you, I promise. You can push through it if you want to. You just have to make the decision to be bold, even when you feel like hiding under the covers.
5 ways to be bold and push through fear.
Here are five ways I got myself from fear to here. (Incidentally, these are the same ways I plan on getting myself from here to where I want to be five years from now.)
#1. Pretend to be confident.
You heard me right. Pretend — just like I did when I promised my Virtual Coffee Talk guests that they’d be in for some great conversation if they joined me.
Did I know this to be true when I promised it? Heck, no, but I made the decision to be bold and declare the outcome I wished for with confidence. As a result, a lovely group of women accepted my invitation and some great coffee talk was had. I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t have been the case if I’d sent out a note saying:
“I know you’re probably busy and you’ve been on a ton of Zoom calls lately and the LAST person you want to spend time with is me, but if you have nothing better to do with your time, would you like to join me for coffee? If you get a better invitation, don’t worry. I’ll understand.”
When you show up with confidence, you give others confidence in you.
#2. Embrace failure.
Of all the Brooke Castillo podcast episodes I’ve listened to, her episode on how to fail (episode 4) was the biggest game-changer for me. She opens up this episode with the following definition of the word failure:
The omission of expected or required action.
Pretty benign, right? I mean, it’s really not as catastrophic as we make it out to be. It makes me wonder why the word loser springs to mind when failure occurs.
The idea that failure is not about the people behind the action, but rather, the action itself, is comforting, don’t you think? It essentially means that all we have to do is be bold enough to try again, substituting one action for another.
Think back to the last time you failed to achieve the results you wanted. Did you try again with a different approach or did you let failure get the better of you? You’ve heard the saying, live and learn. That’s really what embracing failure is all about.
#3. Ask for what you need.
Yep. Be bold. Pose the question, even if it makes you feel vulnerable.
A year or so ago, just as I was starting to noodle with ways to take my passion for personal growth beyond this blog, I met a woman selling clothing at a yoga show. She was warm and vivacious. Her confidence was contagious. The way she presented herself and her business inspired me.
“I want to be like her when I grow up,” I thought. I was in awe.
I could have walked away from her booth wishing I had her confidence and charisma. Instead, at the risk of her thinking that I was a girl-crushing stalker, I told her that I loved her vibe and asked if she’d be willing to get together sometime and share her secret sauce.
What I needed at that time was inspiration. I needed to meet ordinary women doing extraordinary things so that I could believe in my own extraordinary capabilities. I asked for what I needed. She could have said no, but she said yes.
#4. Be relentless.
When COVID-19 struck, I put out an offer: a free one-hour coaching session to anyone in need of support.
Week one went by, nothing. Week two, nothing. Week three, you guessed it; nothing. What’s a life coach to do with zero responses? Throw in the towel on her chosen vocation? I mean, clearly nobody’s picking up what she’s putting down.
Sure, that’s one option but it’s not the one I chose. I chose to be bold instead, so I put out my offer again and again, in new places, tweaking my message every time (remember live and learn?) and bingo — responses started coming in.
Being relentless in the face of what feels like rejection is hard, whether you’re propositioning new clients or new romantic prospects. Here’s what I like to remind myself of when I feel rejection trying to slow me down:
I am not for everyone just as everyone is not for me.
#5. Consider working with a life coach.
I say this not as a coach, but as a coachee.
Before I started working with my own life coach, I was afraid to use my voice. Back then, if you wanted someone to coach you on how to let imposter syndrome stop you from living the life you want to live, I was your girl!
But Rachel led me on a journey of self-enquiry. She helped me bring my fears out of the shadows and into the daylight so that I could work through them. She also helped me follow through on commitments — after helping me determine what I wanted to commit to.
Sure, I could have accomplished plenty without her, but I’m confident I accomplished plenty more with her — which is why I went back for more when I decided to launch my own coaching business.
Related reading: The No. 1 Reason to Hire a Life Coach (Huffpost)
Being bold takes practice.
Remember, any progress is better than no progress, so don’t be afraid to start slow. Give some of these tactics a go and let me know how you get on. I’d love to hear about your wins!
Viv for Today xo
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