Teenagers and sex. It’s a controversial topic, I know. But here’s the thing. Kids are going to do it, regardless of the backgrounds they come from and the values their parents instil in them. Given this reality, here, in no particular order, are five things I want my daughter to know about sex.

1. Sex rocks. 

It can and should be really enjoyable — for the girl as well as the boy. As women, our bodies were designed to give us pleasure, not just give others pleasure. It’s not something we’re supposed to do in order to gain someone’s affection. Nor is it something we’re supposed to do in exchange for a dinner and movie date. It’s something we should do if and only if it’s something we truly want to do. Whether it happens at 16 or 40 really isn’t the issue.

2. Trust is essential.

There’s nothing more intimate than sex, yet social media has made it easier than ever for this intimacy to be shared with the world at large. Before having sex, ask yourself: “Could I trust this person with my deepest, darkest secrets?” If the answer is no, do not proceed with caution. Rather, do not proceed at all.

3. Respect matters as much as love.

While I truly believe there’s nothing better than loving sex between two individuals who truly care about one another, I believe it’s ok to have sex without being in love. Longings and curiosity are part of our make-up, and I say indulge them. Just do so respectfully and safely.

4. Oral sex is sex.

I’m sure you’ve read the horror stories about teenage girls engaging in fellatio as readily as they give away sticks of gum. This seriously petrifies me. Somehow, these girls have been led to believe that oral sex isn’t actually sex. I strongly disagree. In fact, I believe it’s far more intimate than intercourse. While yes, it’s a great way to enjoy intimacy without risking pregnancy (but not STDs), it warrants as much consideration as sex as we know it.

5. Safety first.

There are some nasty STDs out there, and other unwanted side effects — like babies. It’s essential that our girls be safe and smart. In my opinion, birth control pills should be looked at as a back-up with benefits (like acne prevention and regular periods). Condoms come first. Always. End of story.

As I was organizing my thoughts on this subject, I came across this post from MamaMia. Here, I read two points that really align with my own values:

First, sex is a healthy part of a good relationship. Second, sex is better and safer when it’s indoors and in private rather than in a park, at a party or in someone’s car.

Sexual activity is not the same as promiscuity. If I ever felt my daughter was leaning towards the latter, I’d no doubt have compiled a completely different list. But she isn’t, and in this context, what I wish for her is something that took me too many years and errors to experience for myself: confidence, self-respect, worthiness, and both physical and emotional happiness.


Viv for today xo

Sex. It’s a heavy teen subject. On a lighter note, here are my thoughts on dealing with a teenage pigsty.

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