This time last year, in an effort to promote the importance of positive body image, I took my daughter to a screening of the movie Embrace — a documentary that explores how poor body image has become a worldwide epidemic.
If you’re a woman, I’m sure this comes as no surprise. Research suggests that 91% of us are dissatisfied with our bodies, so chances are this topic resonates with you as much as it does with me. When are we going to get that true beauty emanates from self-love; not skin and bones?
The screening took place in the safe and sacred space that is my local yoga studio. I planned this date thinking it would be good for Anna. The morning of, I realized this film wasn’t just for her. It was for me.
I am not someone who most would consider overweight. I’m neither waif-like nor chubby. I’m somewhere in between. Somewhere that is good enough for others but not for me.
I have bounced from diet to diet in pursuit of a positive body image.
Over the last five years, I have lost 20 lbs through four separate endeavours. Four because I gained the 20 lbs right back following each endeavour. First, I followed the Primal Blueprint. Next, the Isagenix program. Next, the Isagenix program (again). And then, Weight Watchers.
Will there be a next? As of writing this, my hope is no. I’ve realized (not a moment too soon) how unhealthy my relationship with food is; not the food I eat but the labels I attribute to myself when I’m eating it.
If I’m eating a salad, I’m being good. If I’m eating cake, I’m being bad. For years now, I’ve been all or nothing when it comes to what I eat, which has left zero room for moderation. That’s what I’m all about now. Moderation. Getting back on track though …
While I believe I model a healthy lifestyle for my daughter in many ways (I do yoga regularly, walk frequently, and prepare health-conscious meals 95% of the time), I also model the very obsession this film is based on. Sure, I try telling Anna (and myself) that I’m counting calories because I want to be healthy, but the truth is, I don’t want to be fat. Or rather, I want to be thin.
When the screening was over, our host shared a reading with us.
How to talk to your daughter about her body.
The number one step, according to this articleis “don’t talk to your daughter about her body.” As our host read this, I felt as if she were speaking directly to me. For years, I commended Anna on her shapely posterior as if that were some attribute she should be proud of. What was I thinking?
Our host continued reading. “Don’t go on a diet in front of your daughter.” Too late for that. She’s seen me do it time and time again, always trying to talk a healthy talk while clearly walking a body-obsessed walk. And don’t say, “I’m not eating carbs right now.” I’ve blown that too, trying to justify why there’s pasta or rice on her plate but zucchini noodles or cauliflower rice on mine.
It’s essential that we model a positive body image to our children – now
A 2015 study called Children, Teens, Media, and Body Image, undertaken by Common Sense Media, revealed these disturbing findings:
- By age 6, children are aware of dieting and may have tried it;
- 26 percent of 5-year-olds recommend dieting as a solution for a person who has gained weight;
- by the time kids reach age 7, one in four has engaged in some kind of dieting behavior; and,
- between 1999 and 2006, hospitalizations for eating disorders among children below the age of 12 spiked 112 percent.
Embrace, Sarah Koppelkam’s article and Common Sense Media’s research are all great food for thought. Here are five additional resources in and around the same subject that you may wish to explore:
- Promoting a Positive Body Image – Health Canada provides tips to help you do right by your child.
- A body image workshop kit for teachers of children 9 through 13 – Consider sharing this with a decision-maker at your child’s school as inspiration for a similar program.
- What is low body confidence? – As always, Dove addresses the issue head on with its self-esteem project.
- 10 Ways to Overcome Negative Body Image – The Underground Health Reporter shares tips on how to dial your body image obsession down.
- Join The Body Image Movement – Help body image activist and Embrace storyteller create global change.
Here’s hoping for healthier, happier, perfectly imperfect generations ahead!
Viv for today xo
(Originally published in June, 2017)
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Having daughters, this is an important topic for me. I am always very careful what I say and we focus on being healthy. I don’t want them to have issues with their bodies, ever.
Yes, Liz. Confidence is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children!
Yes! I couldn’t agree with you more, portraying a positive body image is sooo important! My daughter is 5 and I hope she always sees me as comfortable in my own skin and pray she always is as well!
I’m glad you are aware of this while your daughter is so young. She’s soaking it all in. And I hope that all of us moms can be confident in our own skins for our own sake’s as well as our children’s.
i have struggled with my self body I,age for years… Your post was something I really needed to read.. Thank you for reaching out and sharing…
Remember, you’re one of the 91% RM. You are not alone. I am glad you enjoyed the post.
it’s so important to have a healthy body image, no matter what size you are
Agreed!
Body image is so important and can be hard to present positively all the time for girls and for boys. Society has put such expectations on outward appearance we really can only fill up our children’s cup of self esteem as best we can.
You’re so right Kanani. It is equally important for boys. And as some have pointed out to me, it’s important for them to see their mothers embrace their real selves, so that they can have realistic expectations of the women they meet.
These are great tips and so important to teach our kids from a young age.
Wow. Those stats gave me chills. Body image is such a crazy thing, especially for young woman. Great post! Also, I love your scrolling recent post. Do you have a plugin? Please share your wisdom.
Yep. The 91% is pretty shocking. Re scrolling recent posts, I’m not sure if this helps but I use WordPress, Fusion. When I go to appearance, and then through to theme settings, there’s a sliding bar option. “Sliding bar on desktop” is switched to on. I have no idea if that’s where the magic happens though!
The post is very well written. My daughter is 7 yrs and I was thinking to talk to her. Will surely use the tips now as per this post.
I don’t think you can start the conversation too young, Jiya. Pointing out how unrealistic Barbie’s body is makes for a good start to the conversation. I mean seriously, if she was real she’d fall over – she’s so top-heavy.
Such a great post. Body image is such a touchy subject and I am going through this with my daughter who is 8. It is hard to try to make a positive out of all the negatives in society about body image!
I know Maranda. It’s a huge task, isn’t it?
I think it is so, so important. I try to model positive self-talk in front of my daughter, but it’s not always easy! However, I’ve heard that a mother’s dialogue becomes a daughter’s internal monologue. I try to be mindful of that in the things I say when my little lady is in earshot!
Good for you. I have to say, my mom never spoke poorly of herself but I have always been incredibly hard on myself. Point being, we as parents aren’t 100% responsible for our children’s self-image, but it’s still important to conduct ourselves as if we are.
I believe everything about these stats. While I don’t have the perfect body image of myself especially after baby, I am working towards it by just treating my body right. I do however notice my 9 year old niece say some things that I want to cry about. Her mom says things like she is one stomach flu away from the perfect weight and while it can be quite humorous to some, I hate when my sis-in-law says it.
Hi Nicole. Your sis-in-law has a great sense of humour, but you’re so right.These subtle (or not so subtle) self-deprecating remarks can definitely leave their mark on young minds.
This is such an important topic, especially given the pressures on young people these days with social media etc. Promoting a positive body image should be done more by everyone!
I agree. Happy to see so many have shared this post. It all helps, Hayley!
That’s crazy that by age 7, one out of four child has engaged in diet. Wow!
Yep! Sure is.
Body Image is so important and this article goes a long way in showing that.
Thanks, Keshia!
Those statistics at the end are shocking! Why would a 6 year old need to go through a diet? We should teach children to love their bodies and not to aspire towards something that the society says it’s a standard.
I couldn’t agree more. I’m currently interviewing a woman (article to follow) who told me her mother had her on a diet at the age of 9. It really is disturbing.
Promoting positive body image is so important for girls. This is a great post to highlight it.
Thanks for stopping by, Lindsay.
I read this at the right time. I had actually planned to start my diet next week.
It’s all about the timing!
I so agree. I try to always have a positive body image, especially around my daughter. I know she’s watching.
Oh, she’s watching alright, Amber. Good for you!
I love this, as a mother and fitness blogger I totllay agree with Promoting a healthier self image to our young ladies. Keep it up
Yep. So important. And to a slightly lesser degree, important to our young men, too.
It is truly sad that we are all born into such a weight-conscious society. I myself have a blog post about maintaining your weight…it’s all around us, it’s part of our culture. I would say I don’t care as much as I use to, but my appearance and how I look is always in the back of my mind. I’m just glad I have boys instead of girls!
I imagine having boys is easier, but I think we need to model for them, too. Show them, through how we treat ourselves, that women don’t have to look like Barbie dolls in order to be worthy.
Great topic and I like the section on how to talk to your daughter about her body is not to mention it. I agree it is up to us the parent to be a good role model, eat clean and exercise frequently.
I think portraying a positive body image is so important as it shows society is inclusive and all body types are accepted, which lowers pressure on women to conform to one body type
I wholeheartedly agree!
I dont have daughters, but have 2 sons. I think this is an important topic overall. Even boys are picking up on this today in comparison to when I was growing up.
Absolutely. While to a lesser degree, I think boys can certainly be subject to similar pressures. And on a separate note, as moms, we need to show them that we respect ourselves regardless of our shape and size so that they, in turn, will learn to respect women who aren’t flawless.
Body positivity is difficult to achieve ever since Victoria Secret angels become the goddesses of lingerie. That when people think of good body, it should be size 0 and 2. It’s ironic that we are living in this type of era so I commend you for teaching your daughter about body positivity.
I hear you. I am personally trying to overcome my own obsession with diet. Trying to get back in touch with where my body wants to be, vs. where I want it to be thanks to the media.
I also believe that portraying a positive body image is important because we are role models for our daughters but I believe I also made the same mistake with dieting in front of her.
As have I. But I’ve recently shared the way of my errors with her and hope she’ll take note of the fact I finally came to my senses and traded in “dieting” for “intuitive eating.”
Yes. Having daughter, this is very important topic.
Yes. Important for both boys and girls but I agree, especially important for our daughters.
There is a growing need to talk about positive body image. As a teacher, I try to include such topics inside my classroom.
That’s great to hear, Suman.